Chapter Five from the book Secret Truths of the Bhāgavatam, 2nd edition by Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Mahārāja

 

Kṛṣṇa is now completing His pastimes in Vraja. After He killed Keśī and Vyomāsura, Nārada came to Him and prayed, “Remember that You have to do so many things. Now, while performing Your vṛndāvana-līlā, You are very much charmed, and You have forgotten that Your Mathurā father and mother are in the jail of Kaṁsa. Kaṁsa is wreaking havoc, always insulting them and kicking them with his boots. Also, You have promised to marry sixteen thousand one hundred eight devotees in Dvārakā, and You will have to save and protect the Pāṇḍavas. They are śaraṇāgata (surrendered) only to You. Duryodhana is creating so many problems. He has taken their kingdom and driven them into the forest, so You will also have to help them. You have promised to destroy all the demons. There are so many demons now. All those who were killed in Laṅkā in rāma-līlā have returned as kṣatriya kings, and they are a great burden to this earth. You have so many other responsibilities as well. You should remember all this and not only be involved in Vṛndāvana.”

Kṛṣṇa replied, “You have reminded Me, and now you may go. Everything will be taken care of.”

Thus, one day, when Kṛṣṇa was at Prema-sarovara, between Nandagāon and Varsānā, He made a decision. Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa were sitting on the bank of this very beautiful Prema-sarovara with the gopīs. The scenery was extremely beautiful. All kinds of flowers were in bloom, cuckoo birds were singing, so many peacocks were dancing, and Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa were surrounded by hundreds and thousands of kāmadhenus (wish-fulfilling cows).

In Their assembly were Lalitā, Viśākhā, all the aṣṭa-sakhīs, many other prominent sakhīs, and also Nāndīmukhī, Vṛndā-devī, and Dhaniṣṭhā. Śrīmatī Rādhikā was sitting on the lap of Kṛṣṇa. The two were like one; His hand was around Her shoulder, and Her hand was around His waist. A bumblebee came by and thought that the lotus feet of Rādhikā were actually a very fragrant and sweet lotus. He came to taste some of the honey of that lotus, and, humming, wanted to enter it. Being very soft, Rādhikā became afraid and put Her hands up in front of Her to protect Herself. Madhumaṅgala came at once, carrying a bamboo stick. He waved it at the bee and drove it very far away. Then he returned and said, “I have driven away this madhusūdana (bumblebee), and he will never come again. Do not fear.”

The word madhusūdana has so many meanings. It is one name of Kṛṣṇa. Why is He called Madhusūdana? The love and affection of the gopīs is like madhu (honey). Kṛṣṇa tastes that honey, and thus He is called Madhusūdana. Madhu also refers to ‘worldly desires and attachments.’ A desire for a wife, husband, children, and so on is also like honey. Kṛṣṇa can cut away all these things, so He is Madhusūdana. Sūdana means ‘to cut away.’ If you call, “Madhusūdana! Madhusūdana!” He will cut all bad desires and attachments (from your heart). There are many other meanings of madhusūdana, but these two are prominent.

Madhumaṅgala said, “I have driven this madhusūdana out forever. He will never return.”

When Śrīmatī Rādhikā heard this, She became unhappy and thought, “Oh, Madhusūdana (Kṛṣṇa) has gone.” Although She was on the lap of Kṛṣṇa, She was weeping so much. “Where has Kṛṣṇa, Madhusūdana, gone? Will He never come? How can I live? I will die. Without Madhusūdana I cannot live.” She forgot Herself, and She forgot that She was on the lap of Kṛṣṇa. Weeping and weeping, She became senseless and lost Her external consciousness. Kṛṣṇa saw this and thought, “This is a very strange thing. She is on My lap, but She has forgotten that.”

This is called prema-vaicittya. It is more exalted than divyonmāda, and it is within the category of Rādhikā’s mood of mādana. In meeting with Kṛṣṇa She feels separation from Him. This topmost love is only in Rādhikā. It is not in anyone else, including Lalitā and Viśākhā, what to speak of Candrāvalī. In the highest class of prema, there is separation in meeting – the fullest separation and fullest meeting – and at the same time everything is forgotten.

Kṛṣṇa sees, “If Śrīmatī Rādhikā is very near to Me, She worries, ‘Where is Kṛṣṇa? Where is Kṛṣṇa?’ In fear of future separation from Me, She becomes senseless. I cannot help Her. But if I am not here, She then enters a deep mood of separation and remembers Me. She thinks, ‘Oh, this tamāla tree is Kṛṣṇa.’ ”

Śrīmatī Rādhikā does not think, “This is a tamāla tree,” as we would. She actually thinks, “Kṛṣṇa is here.” She does śṛṅgāra (dresses Herself very nicely in ornaments and garments) and says, “Oh, and where were You?” Then She exhibits māna (transcendental loving anger). Even in separation there is māna. It is a very strange thing.

Kṛṣṇa is thinking, “Now She is weeping. What shall I do? How will I console Her? I cannot console Her. This is a very big problem for Me. Whenever I am with Rādhikā, She weeps in fear of future separation from Me, but I cannot help Her. And if I am not here, She enters a mood of deep separation from Me. She sees clouds, and thinking those clouds to be Me, She says, ‘O clouds!’ It is as if She is saying, ‘O Kṛṣṇa, don’t come to Me.’ ”

Because Rādhikā’s braid is black like Kṛṣṇa, She tussles with it, thinking it to be Him, and thus feigns disinterest. She always feels like this in separation from Him. She can experience some happiness as She sleeps or performs any other activity, but when She meets with Kṛṣṇa, She experiences a very deep mood of separation from Him. Kṛṣṇa thought, “What shall I do? I should go somewhat far away to give the gopīs, especially Rādhārāṇī, some relief; otherwise, they will always be unhappy. If I remain here, they will always feel separation, weep, and fall unconscious. I should leave Vraja. Otherwise, I cannot help them.”

Kṛṣṇa thus decided, “I should appear in their dreams or as a sphūrti or something like that, but I should not appear before them directly, or else they will become unhappy.” This is also why Kṛṣṇa does not return to Vṛndāvana. If He returns, what will become of the gopīs? If you have a cut on your body and you squeeze some lemon juice on it, what happens? You will experience more suffering.

Their stage of mādana and modana is so high, more than rūḍha and adhirūḍha. You cannot realise these moods; you can only hear something about them. If you practice love and affection like this in elevated association, you can realise something. You will become so attached to the pastimes of Kṛṣṇa that you will actually realise them. Then you will have no attachment to worldly things, no problems, and will always be happy. When you read any page of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, you will read so deeply.

In the meantime, Kaṁsa was thinking about how to kill Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva. He had made so many plans, but all had failed. All the demons he had sent had been killed. At last, he called Akrūra, who was like Kṛṣṇa’s uncle, and told him, “You are such a qualified person. I know you have such a strong attachment to me. You also have a relationship with Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva, so I think that you should help me. I am going to arrange an arena here near the Raṅgeśvara temple, where we will have interesting events such as wrestling matches. When Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva come here, we will all surround Kṛṣṇa and kill Him. Go at once and bring Them to Mathurā.”

Akrūra is a parama-bhakta (topmost devotee). He has faith that Kṛṣṇa is the Supreme Personality of Godhead and that He has come to kill Kaṁsa and all other demons. He therefore became very happy. “I must go there and see Kṛṣṇa,” he thought. “Will He remember me as He does His other servants? If He does, I will be so fortunate. Somehow Kaṁsa has given me the good fortune of being able to go to Kṛṣṇa and take His darśana.” This is why Akrūra went to Vṛndāvana.

What is at the root of all this? Kṛṣṇa’s wish. Yogamāyā had put these thoughts into the minds of both Kaṁsa and Akrūra. Kṛṣṇa’s plan was to go there. By His desire, an arrangement was made so that He would have to go far away from Vṛndāvana to pacify the gopīs. Akrūra thus came in a golden chariot given to him by Kaṁsa.

Vasudeva, Devakī, and Mahārāja Ugrasena had been put in jail and bound with thick chains, and strong guards were posted to watch them. Kaṁsa’s plot was that, after Kṛṣṇa had arrived there with Baladeva, he would call all Kṛṣṇa’s devotees, like Nanda, Vasudeva, Devakī, and Ugrasena, and he would kill Kṛṣṇa in front of them. “They will see that I am Kaṁsa and I can kill Kṛṣṇa. Then they will feel so much separation from Kṛṣṇa that they themselves will die.”

According to Kaṁsa’s plan, Akrūra went to Vṛndāvana to meet with Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva. On the way, he saw the footprints of Kṛṣṇa. If you have gone to Nandagāon, you may have seen Caraṇa Pahāḍī, which still bears the impressions of the beautiful footprints of Kṛṣṇa. Akrūra saw hundreds of thousands of footprints in the dust of Vraja near Nandagāon because Kṛṣṇa was always roaming there barefoot with the cowherd boys. Akrūra fell upon these lotus footprints and prayed. Tears fell from his eyes, his heart melted, his bodily hairs stood on end, and he offered so many prayers. Those prayers are recorded in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam. He was a very high-class Vaiṣṇava in dāsya-rasa.

Later that evening, Akrūra met with Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva and secretly told Them, “Do You know that You are the sons of Devakī and Vasudeva? Now they are in jail, and the demon Kaṁsa is torturing them, only because of You. There is no other reason. Because Your parents sent You to Gokula, they are now being tortured.”

Kṛṣṇa became furious. “Because of Me?” He said. “I must go to Mathurā. After doing so, I will then return to Vṛndāvana.” He made up His mind and told this to His father, Nanda Bābā. Nanda Bābā agreed because there were some good reasons why Kṛṣṇa should go. If He did not go, Kaṁsa would also torture all the Vrajavāsīs.

That same evening, to the accompaniment of drums, it was announced everywhere that the next day, Nanda Bābā and the other gopas, along with some of Kṛṣṇa’s friends, would take Baladeva and Kṛṣṇa to Mathurā, see the arena and the wrestling match, and then return home. All of Kṛṣṇa’s friends were happy. “We are also going, and we will see new, new things,” they thought.

Nanda Bābā was not afraid of Kṛṣṇa remaining there, because he thought, “I am going with Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva, and I will bring Them home again.” All the gopas were like this, neither lamenting nor feeling separation.

Nanda Bābā told Yaśodā Maiyā, “You should be nirbhaya (without fear or anxiety). I am going and I will bring Them back again. There is nothing to fear.” Yaśodā thought, “Oh, he is going with Them, so They will return.”

The gopīs, Kṛṣṇa’s beloveds, however, were in another mood. They began abusing Brahmā, the creator: “He is very cruel. Kṛṣṇa is so sweet, and somehow this creator has given us a chance to meet with Him. But the creator is so cruel that just when we were going to meet Him, he took away that fortune, and created separation again. Just when we were going to taste that sweetness, he took it away. He is not qualified to create this world. He gathered all the beauty in the entire three worlds and made the beautiful body of Kṛṣṇa. How beautiful Kṛṣṇa looks! His form is beautifully bent in three places; there are beautiful dimples on His cheeks, and He smiles so beautifully – piercing our hearts like the arrows of Cupid.

“Everything about Him is crooked. His words are sweet and also crooked. His glance is crooked, and it penetrates the heart of those who look at Him. We had a chance to see Him, but this cruel creator is like a baby boy. Baby boys make a palace out of sand and proclaim, ‘Oh, this is my rājā palace (my royal palace),’ and then they destroy it. So Brahmā is like that. He gave us an opportunity to meet with Kṛṣṇa, in whom he placed all the sweetness and beauty of the three worlds, but as soon as we met Him, he at once took this fortune away. That Vidhātā (cruel creator of destiny) has now come here in the form of Akrūra. Actually, he is krūra (cruel), but he has taken the name Akrūra. By that name, he declares, ‘I am not cruel,’ but actually he is very cruel, very cruel.”

The gopīs were weeping. Because we cannot hear their weeping, we may be laughing now, but the gopīs were not laughing. They were expressing their lament from their hearts and feeling separation from Kṛṣṇa. “Oh, Vidhātā has come here just when we were about to relish meeting Kṛṣṇa.”

It can be compared to being presented with a very beautiful, tasteful dish, and just as you are about to take it, someone takes it away. The monkeys from Vṛndāvana, for example, sometimes come and take your plate and then jump into a tree. You become bewildered and cry out, “What happened?” Similarly, here the gopīs are saying, “This cruel Akrūra came and took away Kṛṣṇa, our beloved. How can we live? We cannot remain alive.”

The gopīs, in separation from Kṛṣṇa, became like fish out of water. Are we at this stage? We are not, and therefore Kṛṣṇa remains very far away from us, but for these gopīs, Kṛṣṇa is always with them. Try to come to this stage. This is our objective. How can you possibly come to this stage if you divide, and divide, and further divide your attachment to Kṛṣṇa with worldly wives, sons, and daughters? You came into this world alone, and while you were in the womb of your mother, Kṛṣṇa told you, “Be alone. I am giving you this birth only so that you can practice bhakti-yoga. Do not make anyone your boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, mother, etc. Try to become like Bharata in his third birth as Jaḍa Bharata.”

We promised then, in the womb, that we would not divide our attachment, but when we came out of the womb, our mother or sister took us on her lap and called, “Oh-h-h-h, baby, baby, baby, baby.” We thus made a mother, a father, a sister, neighbours, an entire community, and so on. Then we gradually came to our youth and made one, two, three, four, five, or six girlfriends or boyfriends.

Kṛṣṇa, in the form of a guru, and Vaiṣṇavas are reminding us of this. They are warning us, but we say, “Oh, after this, I will not do this again. I will give it up. This is my last time.” Again, however, waves of attachment come.

Try to realise that when you die, you will die alone. Alone. Those to whom you have given your attachment and your whole energy will not remember you. They cannot help you. You must know all of this. The gopīs are saying this. They are very expert because they never divide their love and affection by giving it to anyone in this world. They withdrew their love from their husbands, sisters, brothers, fathers, and everyone else and came to Kṛṣṇa. If you want to love Kṛṣṇa, you will gradually have to be like them. If you do not follow the gopīs, then at the time of death, you will be kicked, just as donkeys are kicked by the hind legs of female donkeys. After that, your body will be burned to ashes. Surely you should know that there is no one who can help you. Only Kṛṣṇa can help someone. You should try to realise all of this. You will be able to do so by association. Take some love and affection from this association and return home with it. This will help you.

The gopīs first blamed Vidhātā (the creator). Then they blamed the creator by blaming Akrūra. Now they are blaming Kṛṣṇa. They say, “Oh, no blame goes to Vidhātā or Akrūra or anyone else. It is simply that Kṛṣṇa is always nava saṅga priya (He always wants newer and newer association). He is never satisfied with old association. Like a bumblebee, He goes to a very beautiful lotus, and after taking its sweetness, He again goes to the next, then to another, and still to another. Sometimes the bee becomes maddened and even goes to bad-smelling flowers. Although he cannot even see any madhu (honey) in them, he goes to them because they are new.”

“Kṛṣṇa is like this. He is blackish, just like that bee. He is never satisfied with old lovers and wants to relish new ones. This is His motive for leaving us and going to Mathurā. There He will be very happy. Now He is with us, but we are only village girls, and we are not so beautiful. We cannot attract anyone. The girls from Mathurā can pose very beautifully. They can speak many sweet words and exhibit their shyness attractively. But we are not like that. We cannot play like them. They are very expert because they live in a town. They can put on makeup so beautifully, decorating their faces with lipstick and so many cosmetics. But we do not know all these arts. And there are not only one, two, three, or four such girls in Mathurā, but hundreds of thousands of them. Kṛṣṇa will become so attached to them. He will give His love to this one, to that one, to that one, and also to that one. He will be fully engaged, and He will never return. We know.”

The gopīs lamented, “We know Kṛṣṇa’s habit. When tonight is over, He will leave, and we fear He will never return. For the Mathurāvāsīs, on the other hand, a very good morning will follow this night. All the ladies and all the Yādavas, Vṛṣṇis, and Bhojas will be so happy because they will see the beautiful face of Kṛṣṇa and say, ‘Good morning, good morning.’ All of them will have the chance to see the essence of the beauty of the entire world, because they will see Kṛṣṇa. Kṛṣṇa will talk with them and become attached to them. But for us, this night is like kāla-yama (death). Tomorrow morning, we will not see Kṛṣṇa. How dangerous. We will all die. All the birds, peacocks, and all the animals will die. And what will become of the cows? They will not graze. They will only look in the direction from which Kṛṣṇa may come. They will also die. What, then, will become of this Vṛndāvana? It will be a barren land only. Daily in Mathurā, there will be a great mahotsava (festival). And in Vṛndāvana, nothing. It will be a barren land.

“Now we are wondering; we are astonished. There are so many elderly persons here, like Upananda and all the brothers of Nanda Bābā. They seemed very intelligent, but now we think they are not so intelligent at all. Why are they not stopping Nanda Bābā from taking Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva to Mathurā? Why don’t they send Akrūra back alone? Kṛṣṇa should not be sent to Mathurā, but they are not saying anything. They are accepting this proposal of Nanda Bābā and Akrūra. Then what should we do? We will have to give up our usual shy behaviour. We ourselves will go to Nanda Bābā and Yaśodā Maiyā and tell them, ‘You are so cruel. Don’t send Kṛṣṇa with this cruel Akrūra. Kṛṣṇa will never return. We know.’ We can try. Let us go and tell Yaśodā Maiyā and the others.”

In the meantime, morning came, and Akrūra performed his sandhyā (morning gāyatrī). He then brought his chariot, and taking Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva, began to climb upon it. The gopīs came to see the chariot at once. Some of them fell down in a faint. Seeing the scene from afar, Śrīmatī Rādhikā became senseless, unconscious. Those gopīs who remained conscious came, and in deep lamentation, took the reins of the horses. Some fell to the ground, rolling in front of the chariot, and some wept. Still, Akrūra was so cruel that he wanted to take Kṛṣṇa to Mathurā by any means.

Through the messenger of His eyes, Kṛṣṇa made a promise to all the gopīs who were still conscious. “I will come back very soon. I am going now, and I will kill Kaṁsa today or tomorrow. Then I will return to Vraja.” He also said to them, “Give this message to all the gopīs who are unconscious, especially to Rādhā: the day after tomorrow I shall certainly return.”

Akrūra quickly slapped the horses with a stick in such a way that they galloped off crookedly, so they could not be followed. Most of the gopīs fainted. Those who did not faint watched the dust rising from the chariot. Some of that dust fell on them. The gopīs never returned to Nandagāon but remained instead in the forest. Uddhava came to meet them sometime later. It was a very pathetic scene.

All the gopīs were thinking, “We should die, but we should not die. Why not? Because Kṛṣṇa may return. He has promised, ‘I will return,’ so it is certain that He will come. We have faith in His words, so He will surely come. But if He sees that we have already died when He comes, He will also die, so we must not die. We should tolerate any kind of separation, any kind of fire. Even though we are burning in a fire, the fire of separation, still we will have to maintain our life – only for Kṛṣṇa, only for Kṛṣṇa – so that when He comes, He will see us.”

The gopīs therefore waited one day, two days, three days, four days, one year, two years, three years, four years, five, ten, fifteen, fifty – but Kṛṣṇa never returned. Why? Sometimes He may have come to see the gopīs in the form of a bumblebee, sometimes in a dream, and sometimes in any manifestation. When He did so, they thought, “Oh, we are seeing Kṛṣṇa in a dream. Actually, He has not really come.” Sometimes they were so deeply in love that they never thought that Kṛṣṇa had even gone to Mathurā. Rather, they considered, “Kṛṣṇa is in Vṛndāvana and has gone to graze the cows. In the evening, Yaśodā takes an ārati tray and gets everything ready for His and Baladeva’s arrival.” Yaśodā may have stood there the whole night, but Kṛṣṇa never returned. There was no cooking done at all, and no birds sang. You cannot imagine the condition of Vraja.

Now (in this connection) I will tell a worldly story.

Once, when I was in Italy, I went with two others to walk on the beach by the ocean. After the walk, we returned to our car. A very beautiful old dog came over to us. His eyes were full of mud, and there were some signs that he had been weeping. At once, he came over and smelled us, looking at us quite pathetically. Then, another car drove in, and the dog went over to it, still looking sad. He was an Alsatian dog (a German Shepherd). A very good dog.

I asked Vrajanātha Prabhu and Līlā-puruṣottama Prabhu (who lived locally), “Is this dog waiting for his master, who is perhaps walking here and there?” They replied, “People come to the seaside for holidays and sometimes leave their dogs behind for various selfish reasons.”

This dog had previously belonged to a wealthy person and had been with him for several years. His master used to take him wherever he went in his car, bathe him, and show him so much love and affection. In this way, many years passed, and the dog was so happy, always serving his master.

After some time, that dog got old. One day, he came to the beach with his master and saw a female dog. When he got out of the car, he went off with that female dog. His master thought, “I will have to take a new dog. What will I do with this old dog?” He then left him there, quickly got into his motor car, and drove back to his house. He never cared for that dog again. He neglected him after that.

After some time, the dog returned and looked for its master. “Where is my master? Where is my master?” He searched every car, here and there. After that, he did not eat anything. He just always looked for his master. One year, two years passed. His master never returned, but the dog never stopped looking for him. Now there was no one to wash the mud from his body or wipe away the tears from his eyes, and there was no one to give him anything to eat. He always wept for his master and thought, “Oh, my master must surely come.” For that, the dog continued to live in the hope that “Today, or one day, my master will come.” He simply waited and waited.

This dog’s master may have been cruel, but Kṛṣṇa is not cruel. The dog remembered his master, thinking, “He will come. He is just coming now. Oh, perhaps now he is coming.” He went up to anyone and again saw, “Oh, this is not my master,” and then he began to weep and became sad. Then he sat and waited in hope. That dog may have been remembering, “One day my master took me on his lap, washed me with his own hands, and gave me sweet things to eat. That which he was going to eat, he gave to me instead. And sometimes he used to take me to his bed.” Thinking like this, the dog wept.

Now, if a dog can do this, why can’t we? This is just an example, a mere shadow of the gopīs’ separation. A devotee can also be like this, always remembering the pastimes of Kṛṣṇa. The gopīs remembered, “How Kṛṣṇa was dancing with us, how He used to put His betel nuts in our mouths, how He loved us, and how He was sometimes singing with us. He would boast, ‘Oh, I can sing in the fifth note,’ but we gopīs sang in the seventh note, and He praised us. ‘O sādhu, sādhu, sādhu! Very good, well done!’ But now, who will praise us?” In this way, they were simply remembering and weeping.

This is aṣṭa-kālīya-līlā (the eternal eightfold daily pastimes of Rādhārāṇī and Kṛṣṇa). Devotees can remember all these things, and thus their minds will not wander here and there. Kṛṣṇa tells the gopīs, “You should remember Me,” but the gopīs sadly look towards Kṛṣṇa and reply, “Oh, we want to forget You, but we cannot. Although we want to forget You, all remembrance of You comes one pastime after another, like a chain. If You can forget us, why can we not forget You? This is our situation; we cannot forget You.”

The gopīs’ lamentation is something like that of that dog, but not really the same. What I told you about the dog is only perhaps a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of the gopīs’ lamentation. The gopīs are only keeping their life because Kṛṣṇa has told them that He will return. This is their only āśā (hope). Without this hope, they would die. They are burning in the fire of separation, yet they do not want to die.

And what about Kṛṣṇa? Is He happy in Mathurā? No, He is not happy there. Somehow Lalitā can pacify Śrīmatī Rādhikā by saying, “Do not weep; Kṛṣṇa will surely come.” But there is no one to pacify Kṛṣṇa, no one to tell Him that the gopīs will come. Kṛṣṇa has no friend like this in all of Mathurā, so He is alone, intensely burning in a fire of separation, with no one to save Him. Here in Vṛndāvana, Yogamāyā Pūrṇimā, Vṛndā, Lalitā, Viśākhā, and all others share in helping Rādhikā in Her great suffering in separation from Kṛṣṇa. But in Mathurā, there is absolutely no one to help Kṛṣṇa. That is why He wanted to send someone to school. Why school? So that this person could become qualified to console Him in His lamentation. He therefore sent Uddhava to the school of the gopīs in Vṛndāvana.

Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva were sons of Yaśodā and Rohiṇī. Although They came to Mathurā, They could never forget this. After Kaṁsa was killed, Nanda Bābā was waiting outside the town, thinking, “Why are Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva not coming? Kaṁsa has been killed. Perhaps it is due to the conspiracy of the Yādavas, and they are purposely not allowing Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva to come to me.” For two days, he did not eat anything; he just fasted, waiting for Kṛṣṇa and feeling so much separation from Him. After sunset, Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva came and sat on the left and right sides of Nanda Bābā, who was weeping so much.

Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva asked, “Father, you are weeping. Why?”

Nanda Bābā said, “You have come to Mathurā, and You have forgotten me. Perhaps now You have a new father and mother.”

Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva also began to weep, “No, Father, you are Our only father. But all the Yādavas, like Akrūra, Uddhava, Ugrasena, Devakī, and Vasudeva, are telling Us, ‘You are sons of Devakī and Vasudeva.’ They do not want Us to come to you. They fear that if We come to you, you will take Us to Vṛndāvana and We will never return to Devakī and Vasudeva. That is why they are not allowing Us to come.”

Nanda Bābā asked, “Do You think that You are sons of Vasudeva and Devakī?”

“Oh,” Kṛṣṇa replied, “I can never think like that. Not even in a dream.”

Baladeva Prabhu also said, “I also can never even dream like that. You are My father, Yaśodā is My mother, and Rohiṇī is also My mother. My parents are in Vṛndāvana. I know that some say, ‘You are sons of Devakī and Vasudeva.’ But they never gave Me a drop of milk, nor have they shown Me any love and affection. And I was separated from them. But you and Yaśodā Maiyā have nourished Me and given Me milk, and therefore, you are My father and mother and My everything. I cannot consider him (Vasudeva) to be My father, so I must come with you and Kṛṣṇa back to Vṛndāvana.”

Nanda Bābā said, “Now, what shall we do? You are both so intelligent. I think that I must go to Vṛndāvana, and Kṛṣṇa, You should come with me. Baladeva Prabhu may remain here. Why? Because the six sons of Devakī have been killed by Kaṁsa, Devakī has only one son left – Baladeva. If You both come, they may die. I think it would be better if only Kṛṣṇa came with me.”

Baladeva Prabhu told him, “I cannot live alone; I will die. Do not separate Me from Kṛṣṇa. I will come with Him; without Him I cannot live for a moment.”

Kṛṣṇa then said, “Father, listen to Me. It will be better if, for two or three days, I remain here with Baladeva. After two or three days, everyone will be pacified, and then I will return.”

Although Nanda Bābā became upset to hear this, there was no other way. He thought, “If I take Kṛṣṇa with me, then Baladeva will come. If Baladeva comes, they will all die, and I would be like a butcher. Everyone would say, ‘Nanda Bābā is very cruel.’ What to do?” This was his dilemma.

Kṛṣṇa said, “Oh, do not weep. Do not worry. I will come back very soon, as soon as they are all pacified. So you should go.” He then took many golden ornaments and silken garments and tied them up in the cādara of Nanda Bābā.

Nanda Bābā thought, “If I take all this, then the mother of Kṛṣṇa will say, ‘Oh! You have sold Kṛṣṇa for these garments and ornaments and come home empty-handed.’ How will I be able to show my face in Vraja?” On the other hand, he could not refuse those gifts and say, “I cannot take them,” because Kṛṣṇa Himself was giving them.

Somehow, in the evening, Nanda Bābā returned. But what became of Yaśodā? When she saw that Kṛṣṇa had not come, she eventually became blind. Filled with anger, she said, “You have sold my son and have brought these ornaments and garments? And you think that by this we will be happy?” Then she lay down on a bed and did not get up. She simply remained there, weeping. There was now such a pathetic mood in Vṛndāvana.

One hot summer day, like the days in India in the month of Jyeṣṭha (May–June), at midday, Yaśodā decided to take some of Kṛṣṇa’s baby garments, His little flute, a few of His marble calves and some other toys, and place them in a cloth. She then left her house. One gopī came to her and asked, “Mother Yaśodā, where are you going?”

Yaśodā was as if dumb and was in no condition to answer. But still she said, “I am going to my child.”

“I have heard that He is in Mathurā, so I must go. I will not tell them that Kṛṣṇa is my son. I will go to Devakī-rāṇī and tell her, ‘I want to be your dasī (maidservant). I will clean your vessels and do everything like a dasī, and I will not take anything in return. If for only one day I can see the face of your child, I will be satisfied.’” Speaking like this, she fell to the ground and completely fainted. In this way, Yaśodā daily experienced so much separation from Kṛṣṇa that you cannot imagine.

And what became of Kṛṣṇa? All the Yādu-vaṁśa – Akrūra and all the others – had a meeting and made a decision: “We must change Kṛṣṇa’s mind. How? We should perform His sacred thread ceremony and convince Him that ‘Devakī and Vasudeva are Your father and mother, and You are a Yādava.’ He should be sent to the gurukula to study, and after some time He will forget (Vraja). He is like a baby of ten or twelve years, so He can forget.” They conspired together in this way.

The sacred thread ceremony was then performed for Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva. Their heads were shaved and brahmacārī garments were given to Them, as well as the gāyatrī-mantra, the sacred thread, and wooden sandals. Imagine how very beautiful and charming Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva must have been as brahmacārīs. Their gurudeva, Gargācārya, gave them begging bowls and ordered, “You should now go to at least five or ten houses and beg some bikṣa (alms) for me. You should say, ‘O Mother, give Me some donation. O Mother, give Me. O Father, give Me,’ like this.” Gargācārya made his cādara like a jhuli (begging cloth).

Those brahmacārīs took the jhulis and daṇḍas, just as nowadays, when (at the time of initiation) new initiates take a daṇḍa (to collect bikṣa for their gurudeva). They were given very beautiful daṇḍas. Kṛṣṇa was given a crooked daṇḍa, and Baladeva Prabhu a very thick, straight one. Now, Their gurudeva said, “You must first go to Your mother and father and beg from them, and then go to others.”

Kṛṣṇa closed His eyes and thought, “Oh, My gurudeva has told Me to go to My mother, but where is My mother? I have no mother here. Where is my mother? She is in Vṛndāvana, in Nandagāon.” He remembered that His mother had promised, “O Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva, when You are given the sacred thread of a brahmacārī along with mantras, I will fill Your jhuli with diamonds, gold, and so many other jewels.” Kṛṣṇa was remembering this and called out, “Where is My mother? Where is she?” As He stood before the Mathurāvāsīs, He began to shout, “O Mother! O Mother!” Devakī and Vasudeva, especially, were ready to give Them alms, but Kṛṣṇa and Baladeva did not address them as Mother and Father. Instead, They remembered Yaśodā Maiyā and cried out, “Mother! Mother! Mother!” Both of them, especially Kṛṣṇa, were crying and rolling on the earth. This was the condition of Kṛṣṇa. He was feeling so much separation, but there was no alternative because He had to perform many pastimes in Mathurā and Dvārakā. Thus, from this time onward, it was a pathetic scene in both Mathurā and Vṛndāvana.

Tomorrow we will discuss this again. Try to realise it. You can remember and chant hare kṛṣṇa hare kṛṣṇa kṛṣṇa kṛṣṇa hare hare, hare rāma hare rāma rāma rāma hare hare with tears in your eyes, thinking, “Oh, what is the state of Kṛṣṇa and Yaśodā Maiyā? Yaśodā Maiyā is always thinking, ‘O my dear child, Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa.’” In this way, you should also try to lament, feel separation, and chant “Hare Kṛṣṇa.” Remember Caitanya Mahāprabhu and pray, “Oh, be merciful to me. O Pañca-tattva, be merciful to me. O Nityānanda Prabhu! Be merciful so that we can realise these pastimes, so that we can chant, and so that we can forget all the problems of this world.” Try to forget “Where is the world? Who am I?” Then Kṛṣṇa will come and wipe away your tears; He is so merciful. So you should chant and remember. This is the process.

Remember all the pastimes deeply. When you are reading, these symptoms (such as tears) may manifest. For this reason, Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Mahārāja came. He was so merciful and wanted to make you all qualified like this. But he saw that you had so many other desires – jungles of desires and misconceptions – so he began to cut them. He wanted to make the ground fertile, but he left some work for me, so that I could serve him. He left me this service and told me, “Now you should go and tell them. Among them, some are very qualified. If they hear of these moods, they will certainly develop some qualification to have them.” That is why I came. I have no desire to gain money or prestige. I have not come to quarrel with anyone, nor to make any disciples. On the other hand, one who accepts these views is a disciple.

vāco vegaṁ manasaḥ krodha-vegaṁ
jihvā-vegam udaropastha-vegam
etān vegān yo viṣaheta dhīraḥ
sarvām apīmāṁ pṛthivīṁ sa śiṣyāt

Śrī Upadeśāmṛta (1)

[“A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the mind’s demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world.”]

Sarvām apīmāṁ pṛthivīṁ sa śiṣyāt. Such a person is actually a jagad-guru (spiritual master of the entire world), just as Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Mahārāja is the jagad-guru, and his gurudeva is the jagad-guru, viśva-guru (spiritual master of the universe). He is the guru of all the three worlds, as is Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī. We are therefore so fortunate to be in this disciplic line. Try to remember these things. All our friends and neighbours are not as dear as these gurus. They cannot help you, but you can help them. You can nourish and support them, but do not become entangled. You can do your duty, but always think like this and try to develop your Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Gaura-premānande!

(The devotees then performed a drama about Govardhana)

This was a good drama. It reminded us of the pastimes of that Kṛṣṇa who lifted Govardhana and saved all the gopas and Vrajavāsīs. One may serve so many demigods for worldly benefit only. But these demigods, Indra, Brahmā, and others, may have some false ego. And actually, they are not bestowing the fruits of service to them. Kṛṣṇa gives us all the fruits of serving Him, so why not surrender to Kṛṣṇa? Girirāja is none other than Kṛṣṇa Himself, and he is also the servant of Kṛṣṇa; he is both these things. But we will achieve more benefit if we consider Girirāja to be the servant of Kṛṣṇa. If he is Kṛṣṇa, he can only give so much; but if he is a servant, he can give love and affection for Kṛṣṇa as the āśraya (the abode of love) – the devotee. In other words, he can give love and affection for Kṛṣṇa that is under the guidance of the gopīs.

Girirāja can give such affection, but it is very difficult for Kṛṣṇa to give it. This is because Govardhana is also a part, or a manifestation, of Rādhikā, not just of Kṛṣṇa. Although he was seen as catur-bhuja (a four-armed Nārāyaṇa manifestation of Kṛṣṇa), he is actually a servant who can give everything to anyone.

pramada-madana-līlāḥ kandare kandare te
racayati nava-yūnor dvandvam asminn amandam
iti kila kalanārthaṁ lagnakas tad-dvayor me
nija-nikaṭa-nivāsaṁ dehi govardhana tvam

Śrī Govardhana-vāsa-prārthanā-daśakam (2)

[“The youthful Divine Couple perform delightful amorous pastimes within each and every one of your caves. Thus, since you facilitate the witnessing of Their līlās, O Govardhana, please give me residence by your side.”]

All the very secret pastimes of Kṛṣṇa with the gopas and especially with the gopīs, and all the very beautiful kuñjas, like tamāla-kuñja and mālatī-kuñja, are there in Govardhana. Wherever Kṛṣṇa and the gopīs decorate each other and do vilāsa (pastimes), the gopīs (first) arrange the kuñjas. Govardhana is the witness of all these very secret pastimes. He can sprinkle his mercy upon us so that we also may become like the gopīs. Only Govardhana, Rādhā-kuṇḍa, Śyāma-kuṇḍa, Yamunā, Lalitā, Viśākhā, and Rūpa Mañjarī are qualified to give this (gopī-bhāva). Sometimes they give some authority to Gopīśvara Mahādeva so that he can also give it. Vṛnda-devī and Yogamāyā are also fully expert at giving this. No one else can give it. Therefore, if you serve Girirāja Govardhana, who is a witness to these pastimes, he can also reveal them to you.

yatraiva kṛṣṇo vṛṣabhānu-putryā
dānaṁ gṛhītuṁ kalahaṁ vitene
śruteḥ spṛhā yatra mahaty ataḥ śrī-
govardhano me diṣatām abhiṣṭam

Śrī Govardhanāṣṭakam (3)

[“(At Dana-ghāṭī) Kṛṣṇa instigated a quarrel with the daughter of Vṛṣabhānu in order to extract tax. My great longing is to hear that sweet quarrel. May that Śrī Govardhana fulfil my desire.”]

Kṛṣṇa was taking dana (tax) from the gopīs. The gopīs were quarrelling with Him. They also collected tax from Kṛṣṇa, and He was forced to give it. In this way, Govardhana witnesses so many pastimes. Tomorrow we will remember and worship Girirāja Govardhana and offer him many preparations. As a result of our service, he may be merciful to us and sprinkle upon us realisation and service of the pastimes of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa.

Source: Purebhakti.com

Image(s) made possible by Pixabay.com, Krishnapath.org.in, Keystone Press / Alamy Stock Photo and / or Bhaktiart.net

Unless indicated otherwise, all verse translations and quotes are from the books by Śrīla Prabhupāda (Vedabase.com)